Being an off-the-farm spouse can sometimes feel like you’re living life in the in-between. You’re not fully involved on the operation, but you’re not removed from it, either.
Most of the time, you’re hearing about the good days and the bad ones secondhand, whether it’s a conversation at the dinner table or a late-night recap of the day as you crawl into bed. Through blurry details, you piece together what happened, how the day went and how your spouse is really feeling. You celebrate the wins, worry through the challenges and carry the stress right along with them, even though you weren’t there to see it firsthand.
That in-between space can be hard to explain to anyone outside the farm, but it’s a feeling many off-the-farm spouses can relate to.
Balance the Comfort and the Pressure of Stability
It’s no secret that an off-the-farm job can come with real advantages.
- A steady paycheck
- Health insurance
- A retirement plan
Knowing when that next check will hit the bank account and having reliable health coverage feels like a safety net when life on the farm is anything but predictable. And for a lot of farm and ranch families, this reliability helps make everything else work. But with stability can also come added pressure. A pressure to provide, to stay employed and to keep everything moving forward.
More often than not, the off-the-farm paycheck carries the heavier load of the responsibility, especially when margins are tight. Per USDA data, in 2023, 96% of farm households earned money from off-farm sources, making up 77% of household income. And USDA states most households, regardless of farm size, work off the farm because it pays better than farm work, and access to health care benefits is often part of that decision.
For off-the-farm spouses working to help keep the farm afloat, this heavy load can take a mental toll.
They’re juggling budgets, weighing the “what-ifs,” and sometimes lying awake at night running the numbers in their heads — thinking through what could go wrong and how to keep the farm and family going. It’s a constant, behind-the-scenes effort to make sure everything keeps running smoothly.
Open the Lines of Communication
When that stress starts to build, one of the most helpful tools families have is simply talking about it. According to the University of Wisconsin’s Farm Management Program, farm couples and families who manage stress well tend to communicate openly, working together to plan ahead and tackle problems as a team. Having honest conversations and sharing information can help bring back a sense of control when finances feel uncertain.
That can be easier said than done. When financial pressure builds, many people try to carry it quietly — thinking they are protecting their family by keeping worries to themselves. But holding it all in can actually create more tension at home. Opening up does not mean sharing every detail or worst case scenario. It can be as simple as letting trusted family members or friends know what you are carrying and being honest about changes that may need to happen at home.
Share the Load
While there’s no perfect way to handle the stress that comes with being an off‑the‑farm spouse, you learn how to carry it in a way that works for your family. Sometimes it means adjusting plans, sometimes it means talking things out and sometimes it just means taking a deep breath and reminding yourself you’re doing the best you can.
Finding small ways to share the load can really help, whether that means talking things out, relying on people you trust or giving yourself a moment to breathe when you need it.
