You Can Go Now

In the list of the hardest things you’ll do in life, sending your firstborn to college may be toward the top.

By Jennifer Shike

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September 12, 2024 10:40 AM

Jennifer and Olivia Shike — It’s hard to let them go.

I remember turning off my daughter’s bedroom light and laughing as I walked down the hallway. My 18-month-old just told me, “You can go now.”

Excuse me?

There’s no doubt it’s a bit of an oldest child thing, but I felt like my daughter was born 40. In fact, I couldn’t understand why people thought babies were tough because she was so darn easy. She basically put herself to bed every night from an early age.

Before she fell asleep, we would spend time reading together. When she was getting tired, she would always say, “You can go now.”

Little did I know how hard those words would be to accept someday.

As I hugged my now 18-year-old college freshman goodbye last weekend, I couldn’t help but hear those words on repeat over and over in my head.

“You can go now.”

It was time for me to get out of the way and let her do her thing. But, oh how that’s easier said than done! As I got in my vehicle to go home, I reminded myself it’s a good thing that saying goodbye is so hard. How lucky am I that I can’t think of a better place to be than with my family?

The Best Intentions
After bribing my youngest with ice cream to distract her from her tears, I began thinking about how my mothering intentions fell flat this summer. I wanted to teach her how to iron clothes. I should have helped her learn how to make my lasagna. And why didn’t I sit her down and have a long talk about the dangerous world we live in? Does she know how to shop on a budget and pay bills? Will she remember to lock her door?

The list in my mind was much more extensive, but I’ll spare us all the details. To put it simply, I drove home feeling disappointed in myself. But as I pulled off onto our country road, memories flooded my mind and reminded me that though I failed in some areas, I did OK in others.

Throughout the past 18 years,

• I introduced her to Jesus.
• I celebrated her wins.
• I picked her up when she got discouraged.
• I ‘fixed’ her scraped knees.
• I shared my love for 4-H.
• I helped her learn how to stand up for herself.
• I chased after her on countless cross-country courses.
• I taught her how to ride a horse.
• I picked up after her mess.
• I served as her royal bodyguard.
• I helped fund her show pig passion.
• I reminded her of her worth when she forgot a time or two.
• I drove her to countless practices and lessons.
• I cheered for her.
• I listened to her recite the FFA creed a million times.
• I taught her to be humble and put others first.
• I prioritized her.
• I loved her with all my heart.

Maybe it’s not so much about doing the ‘right’ things as parents, but rather about doing what you can with the gifts you’ve been given.

It’s a good thing no one tells you how much your heart is going to break when your kid leaves for college. I know we’ll find a new normal again, but right now I’m just sitting in the hard reality that her room is empty. No more reading stories to her before she goes to bed or worrying about her on her 8-mile runs. No yelling at her to stop doing homework because it’s midnight. No more Nancy Drew birthday party planning or senior picture strategizing.

It goes by so darn fast. So, enjoy it. Soak it in and if you ever need someone to listen on that drive home someday, I’ll be here.