Meat of the Matter: When Opposites Repel

Meat of the Matter: When Opposites Repel

The headlines of stories about marital conflict and divorce are always enticing, especially in this case:

“Man Eats Meat, Wife Seeks Divorce”

But the real story can often be, shall we say, “more nuanced.”

According to The Times of India online, a 23-year-old woman filed an application with the police last month, accusing her husband of five years of “torturing her.”

What was the torture he supposedly inflicted? Her complaint stated that he ate non-vegetarian food, “breaking his promise of staying off meat once they get married,” the newspaper reported, [and] “the inability to compromise over their food habits has led the couple to opt for divorce.”

The woman, Rima Doshi, is a strict vegetarian who belongs to the Jain community, whose members avoid not only animal foods but onions, potatoes, eggplant and garlic. Six years ago, according to the story, Doshi fell in love with Karan Chandela, who worked in a small computer office opposite her house near Sola Bhagwat, a small town in the western Indian state of Gujurat.

As the couple got to know each other, Doshi learned that Chandela was a “hardcore non-vegetarian,” as the article phrased it. However, when she objected to his dietary habits, he reportedly promised to “give it all up for love.”

Okay, hit the brakes right there.

How many guys, in the history of the world, have told a woman, “I’ll [fill in the blank] for you, baby”? I should ask, how many billion guys have told their girlfriends — prior to getting married, let’s stipulate — that they promise to make some major lifestyle change?

Like, going antiquing instead of watching the game with their buddies (been there, done that). Like, promising to curtail “going out with the guys” in favor of staying home to watch Sex in the City (never went that far). Or the classic, “cleaning up their act” by shaving the scruffy beard, ditching the cargo shorts and trashing that beloved AC/DC Highway to Hell World Tour t-shirt.

As a dry run for the wedding vows, it’s practically de rigueur for guys to pledge their willingness to materially change their lifestyles, and promising to go veggie would represent a big-time adaptation.

A Caste Problem

Here’s the catch, though: With any breakup, dissolution or divorce, there’s always a more fundamental reason why couples split up, and despite its religious-dietary dimensions, Doshi vs. Chandela appears to be no different.

Here’s how the newspaper reported it:

“Happy with this promise, Rima told her parents about Karan. Her parents protested because they came from different caste, community and social strata. While Rima’s father was a senior government official, Karan’s family managed a farm in Bihar.”

Her father also felt that Chandela, a computer engineer who earned $3,500 a month, would be “unable to keep his daughter happy.”

See the problem right there?

It’s bad enough in American society when one or the other partner or spouse comes from “the wrong side of the tracks.” But in India, the caste system is very much alive and exerts far more social pressure on young people to stay within their own communities.

But now let’s get to the meat of the matter, and I’m not talking about what’s for dinner.

Two years after they got married, the couple now had twin daughters, and according to the wife, her husband wouldn’t give her enough money for the children, and he allegedly made “frequent business trips” out of the city.

You probably already know where this is headed, but let’s let The Times of India reporter tell the story:

“The fights continued, but things came a head when Rima found out from his friends that Karan had eaten non-vegetarian food on a recent trip with eight of his friends. That was the last straw. Rima confronted Karan and a big fight ensued. He allegedly thrashed her and threatened to kill her. Rima left with her kids and shifted to her parents’ house.

According to the complaint, Doshi told police that Chandela gave her very little money to take care of their kids, that he lied a lot — including lying about how much salary he actually earned — and that when he allegedly claimed to go out of town on business, he was partying with friends, drinking and eating meat.

About the only thing missing was the lawyerly litany of “the pain and suffering, the cruelty, the mental anguish, which entitles my client to a lifetime of alimony payments sufficient to maintain her current lifestyle.”

When the dust settles and the couple’s split is finalized, something tells me Karan Chandela’s consolation meal with his buddies isn’t going to be vegetarian salad bowl.

Editor’s Note: The opinions in this commentary are those of Dan Murphy, a veteran journalist and commentator.

 

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